That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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