Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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