id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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