My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
