so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
