If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
