dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
