one two three fourrrrnication!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think people are normalizing furries
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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