Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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