What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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