Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
