I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My bed smells like the plague
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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