he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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