we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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