I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
