i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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