I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
