i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
