standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
