yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
