the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
