Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
