Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize