my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I did not marry a roomba.
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