Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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