I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
