Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
