moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
