if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize