Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
