The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize