I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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