3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Randomize
