i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
