why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
