So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
