I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
