Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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