Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
