Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
