i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
