Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
