I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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