i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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