There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
