Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
