i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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