Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
