He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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