Will you blow on my dice?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am one with the molecules
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
