a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
