his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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