did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
