woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
