Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize