I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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