you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
