maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
