Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize