...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
