I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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