It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't deserve a penis
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
