Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
