Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
