is your mom at the bar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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