I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am available for nakedness
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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