and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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