it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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