he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
