Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
