This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
