now i know why i became what i already was.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
