Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we're so committed to being not committed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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