Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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