When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
