put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
