I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
