He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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