We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
