Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
