You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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