she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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