she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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