Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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