this boner is exhausting
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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