I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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