Ketchup is God's man juice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
