We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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