Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
