hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
