I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
