I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My balls are so social today.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
