Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
