Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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