"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
